My Dedicant Program Work, circa 2002

Meditation Record

Taken From My Journal
March 20 – November 25, 2001

Note: I wish I could say that I managed to meditate every week, but this was not the case. I might miss a week or get three meditations in one week. But I have been meditating a lot, and it has become quite powerful for me.

March 20, 2001

Began the Counting The Breath meditation. This was difficult at first. My concentration just didn't seem to be there. But I kept it up for 10 minutes or so. I meditated two times this week.

April 1, 2001

I'm continuing the counting the breaths meditations. I even did one on the plane! They seem to be getting easier but some days are better than others.

April 22, 2001

Still meditating. There are other meditations to do from my book, “Kindling The Celtic Spirit”, but I think I'll wait until I'm better with this. Since my last entry I've meditated 6 or 7 times. Goddess, sometimes it's like pulling teeth! At least Steve is supportive and respectful of the time I am putting into this.

May 3, 2001

I managed to touch the “Silence” in my meditation this week! I feel like I may be in an alpha state when I get there. I wonder if that is the same thing?

May 8, 2001

I only managed to meditate once this week. Drat! But I did have a few seconds of “Silence”, I think.

May 15, 2001

Still meditating. I think I'm almost ready to try some guided meditations or at least the 2 Powers one.

May 20, 2001

The meditation is getting better (easier?) with more and more moments of the “Silence” and with most thoughts that do arise being merely observed, though occasionally they do take over for a bit until I notice and bring my concentration back to the breath counting. It is working better nowadays! Today I also did the Tree Meditation feeling the power come up from my “roots” and the power of the sky coming down from the sun and sky through my “leaves and branches”. This was a Two Currents exercise. And I can really feel the power flowing through me, especially up from my feet, cascading up my legs and into my body! Of course, when I do my daily evening devotions I start at each door feeling the power come up from the ground through my feet and then out of my chest, in tune with my breathing, to power the protective bands of light I visualize circling the house before each door “warding” or blessing. So feeling the power course through me is something I've been practicing all along!

May 29, 2001

….Also, happily, the meditation went pretty well, with many moments of the silence. Of course, I'm still falling out of them all the time, but I am getting better at it! After counting my breaths for 9 times 9, I then did the 2 Currents meditation, feeling the powers of the earth flooding up through my feet and legs to my heart, bubbling and swirling away down there, and then again the powers of the sky flooding down through my head and shoulders and around my heart, meeting and mixing with the powers of the earth in a wondrous, circling flow. Then I breathed the power out through my solar plexus, giving it all back to the Gods, and particularly Rhiannon. I then did the tree meditation feeling all the power of earth and sky, again giving out the power to the Gods. My favorite part is having Rhiannon's birds singing in my boughs!

June 11, 2001

…..What with all this driving it's been hard to meditate, but I did manage a couple of times. Compared with meeting the Gods through SM, it's pretty tame. But the Gods have consistently given me the message that I have to be able to reach them without SM, so this meditation is important. I've only managed the counting the breath meditations this week.

June 17, 2001

Today I did my weekly simple devotions. I started with my usual breath counting meditation, finding the silence, and then I did my best to hang on to that while I began my devotions. After lighting the candles and incense I welcomed the Gods, and they came! Perhaps not as clearly as with the needles, but there nonetheless. While they come readily and clearly with the needles, I have always sensed an admonition from them about relying on the needles too much. I need to be able to invoke them at will, not just on those rare needle occasions. Fair enough! And today I did. With more practice this should also get easier.

They became strongest and most clear when Cernunnos stood behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Manannan mac Ler and Taranis were there, along with Rhiannon and Cerridwen. Brigid even showed up this time! Blodeuwedd was there for a short time, and the Mabon as well. When it came time for the meditation I went to my seat by the altar and did the Two Currents meditation, which is getting quite powerful for me. This time, however, the Gods were with me! While Lady Wax the spirit flitted around, Cernunnos assisted me in pooling the deep, earth waters in my loins, then Rhiannon aided me in pooling the deep waters around my heart and then Manannan mac Ler assisted me in swirling the waters in my head and then fountaining them out through my head, chest and hands. I kept the waters flowing while Brigid called my attention to the star shining over my head and aided me to see the cone of light descend down from that star on to my head, filling it with white light. At this point a new presence appeared. Not very distinct, but I know it was Gwydion! He and the Mabon assisted me in getting the light to flow within me all the way down to my loins. Then I managed to get the light and the deep waters to mix and swirl all around within me, pouring out together through my solar plexus. And I suddenly realized something – the two powers attunement is about balance – the deep waters of the underworld brought into me with the aid of the dark, underworld Gods like Cernunnos, Rhiannon and Manannan mac Ler, and the bright, shining light brought into me with the aid of the bright, sky Gods like Brigid, the Mabon and Gwydion – all mixing together and becoming one…….

June 21, 2001

…..One bright spot for me about last night's workings was the meditation. Our Seer took us through the “Tree” meditation where we grow roots and branches. I, personally, added the 2 Currents aspect to what he was doing, but even so this part was spiritual. I just wish we were better organized. I need to comment about my meditation as that's part of the requirements for the DP……….. I'm averaging 3-4 meditations per week (meaning the one counting breaths) and want to start adding the guided meditations as well.

June 30, 2001

This week's meditations have been hard to fit in. I've managed a couple of breath-counting meditations so far (before this morning, that is) and I invoke the Two Currents each time I ward the house with Brigantia's evening devotion. Today, early this morning, I found my outdoor meditation seat for the first time. There is a small grove of desert trees in the shallow wash in front of the house, and the trees are thick enough to keep the hot, early morning sun off me. I sat on a mat on the ground and began the Counting Breaths meditation. It was more difficult to get to the silence because of all the sounds out there! Singing birds, mostly, and some car noise. And there were tiny ants everywhere, some crawling up on to me. But I got there in the end! I opened my eyes to nature, like the DP manual suggested, and managed to walk about with the silence a bit. Then I sat again on my mat and practiced the Two Currents, feeling all that power surging through me. It's funny, but it's always easier for me to feel the dark water well up through my “roots” and fill me to overflowing than it is to feel the light of the heavens come down to fill me, but today I managed it, and say the light illuminating the swirling and bubbling waters inside me, the waters pouring out the top of my head and out of my hands, and the light pouring out my solar plexus.

But what a waste of power! So I dedicated all of it to the Gods and to the spirits of that place, particularly, and to my ancestors, as a sacrifice. Afterwards, I felt totally energized and alive, and also still aware with my silence and openness to nature. I look forward to getting in this state before my next ritual!

July 4, 2001

…The meditation I did for the rite involved counting the breath and the Two Currents alignment. While I was off to a rocky start due to the noise distractions (outside), I finally managed to get the earth power bubbling up with the aid of Rhiannon and the sky power shining down with the aid of Brigit. Those two ladies can be very helpful. Now I just have to get a better at hanging on to the connection. I found I had to stop and re-center several times during the rite.

July 16, 2001

I managed to find time for my weekly devotional and more meditation today. We're on a cruise ship and today is a day at sea, so Steve left me in the cabin alone and I did my rite.

I started with the ‘counting the breath' meditation, 9 full breaths 9 times, finding the silence and holding it, more or less. This meditation really centers me, putting me into a calm, alpha(?)-like state……When the meditation part of the rite happened, I did the Two Currents, calling on Rhiannon and (especially) Manawyddin to help with the power of the Underworld, though the sea I'm traveling on, and Brigid and the Mabon to aid me with the powers of the sky. When the two mixed I sent them out together through my solar plexus into the universe. Is this the power we use to make magic? There seems to be a lot of it there. Then I finished my rite, and before ending it completely I did the Tree meditation, again with the aid of my gods……….The meditations are getting easier and the rituals are so much more meaningful now that I realize that the meditation is the center core of everything, and the source of our power!

July 26, 2001

Today we went to Drombeg Stone Circle in County Cork ! ……. Lots of power in the circle – could feel it there and I managed to do the 2 Currents meditation (which seemed easy to do!) even with chattering German tourists around.

July 27, 2001

Today we went to Kildare and visited the Cathedral enclosure of St. Brigid. Visible were the foundations of the fire temple of the Goddess Brigid where the sacred flame was tended since pagan times up until the 16 th century……… I meditated at the site of Brigid's fire temple. After doing the 2 Currents meditation for a bit, I noticed that the power from the sky was stronger and easier to create than usual, and so I silently called on Brigid to bless me. I saw Her in my mind's eye, and felt Her presence, and then She laid Her hands upon my head and an electric thrill ran through my body. Then She was gone as quickly as She came.

July 28, 2001

…Our first stop was the Hill of Tara, the seat of the High Kings of Ireland…..I did my meditation, invoking the 2 Currents and discovering Brigid once again – she was a Goddess of Sovereignty and so experiencing Her at Tara, where the High King was “wed” to Her was very significant for me.

July 29, 2001

After crossing the Irish Sea back to Wales ….. met two ladies, who were Welsh pagans! One of them….told us about….Dinas Gynfor, or Hell's Mouth, which traditionally was the site of the Druid's last stand on Anglesey (Mona) against the Romans……and so we traveled up there to look. Dinas Gynfor is an awesome place – a rocky crag about the ocean at a very high place – rugged and easily defended……We had brought some ale, salt and bread with us, so I did a short ritual followed by a meditation. After counting the breaths for a while (9 times 3) I offered the salt, bread and ale to the Gods, drinking a bit of the ale and eating some of the loaf myself. Then I meditated the 2 Currents and Rhiannon and Cernunnos made their presence felt quite strongly. Then suddenly in my mind's eye I say a woman standing on the top crag to my right, dark hair and gown blowing in the wind, staring at me. My first thought was that this was a death Goddess (the Morrigau?) and I could feel a great commotion going on, like the faint echoes of a battle. Now I don't know if this site actually was the last great battle, but something happened here. Then I realized that this Goddess might actually be the Spirit of this place instead of one of the great Goddesses, or perhaps both! But I felt no menace from Her. Then she faded away as quickly as She came. Dinas Gynfor, if nothing else, is a very magical place.

August 4, 2001 - Lughnasadh!

…we drove to Windmill Hill, a prehistoric ceremonial center overlooking Avebury……the 2 Currents meditation, which I led, went quite well and the whole ritual felt very good.

August 10, 2001

Yesterday was a rainy day, but we visited the Glastonbury Tor anyway. Such a place of power!…..After circling the summit three times deosil I did the 2 Currents meditation and then we went on down to the Chalice Well……..I also meditated there. As on the Tor, the power in the earth was palpable – I could feel it tingling in my feet, making the 2 Currents meditation quite easy! Today, after arriving back in London , I also did the Counting the Breaths meditation.

August 21, 2001

Today, instead of trying a normal breathing meditation and ritual, I decided to do the “Meditative Rite of Offering” which is in the DP guide. While it was a bit jerky due to my having to break off and read what came next ( ! ), I managed to get a good flow going and even had a couple of revelations. Not only did I re-affirm my feeling that Rhiannon is my patron, but I also now strongly suspect that Cernunnos may be as well. I guess it's time to do the patron divination rite. Also, long ago during a needle session when the Gods cam clearly to me, Manawyddin ap Llyr told me that He would be taking me on journeys to the Otherworld. I had no idea how this would come about until this meditation where He stood behind me as guardian of the gates, protecting me through the rite. So that's what He meant! I look forward to having a close relationship with Him! I also managed for the first time, really, to see my ancestors come to me. While there's lots more growth due in this area, it was a very good start. Now the only others I really have to work on are the Nature Spirits. Lady Wax was there, and also my leopard totem, and I think I glimpsed a dragon and a sentient stone, but it was all unclear. More work needed here! But overall I was very pleased with the meditation and look forward to doing it more!

August 26, 2001

I am in Ohio at the regional ADF gathering, Summerland 2001, and it has been a great experience! …..yesterday was my first large scale ADF rite, and it was very powerful, and quite moving! Doing the centering and 2 Currents meditations and seeing the Gates open and close with my mind's eye, things I can sort of do now, only helped make everything more exciting……. Afterwards, Ian Corrigan and his lady led (a workshop) called “The Poet's Voice” and it used ritual and trance to invoke the spirit of inspiration in to us so a poem could emerge. I was assaulted by images, and the following poem is what I came up with to try to describe those images:

In my emptiness I wander,
In my emptiness alone.
In my emptiness I call out –
Will She come?

In my emptiness I see Her!
In my emptiness She turns
And beholds me on my knees there.
I am Hers.

In my emptiness She calls me,
Puts Her hand upon my face,
And my emptiness
Is emptiness no more.

Then what pain, what pain there is there!
As I fall upon the ground
I am changing with my limbs
No longer mine.

But now I feel a strangeness
As I get back on my feet.
I am changed, yes changed,
And joy makes me complete!

For She runs Her hands along me
And a bit is in my mouth;
She climbs upon my back
And then we're off!

Over hills and waters flying,
So it seems – my gait is sure!
And she rides me, rides me, rides me
To the shore.

The moon is high above us
Now we've ridden through the night.
My mouth is foam –
I'm prancing all about!

And then She is beside me
And Her strokes are oh, so soft,
Then the bit is taken from me
And I'm lost!

For now the beach is empty
And I'm standing all alone
On two legs again,
And many miles from home.

But the emptiness is gone now;
I feel nothing like before.
And I'll wait for Her
Until She rides me more.

September 5, 2001

Today back home I also did my simple weekly devotional, and for the meditation I started out with counting the breaths and then went into the Meditative Rite of Offering. I need lots more practice with it, but boy, is it ever powerful! My weaknesses still are in visualizing the Nature Spirits and also, to a lesser extent, the ancestors. The God's are easy! Today, in addition to Rhiannon's blessing of support (She put Her hands upon my head), Cernunnos poked me in the arm with His hard dick (and laughed again) but also brought me the promise of sexual understanding and peace. The Mabon also approached to offer His light of inspiration to me…..All the visualizations are getting clearer, but I still have quite a way to go!

September 8, 2001

While on the plane I tried to do the 2 Currents meditation after finishing the Counting the Breaths meditation (for 9 times 3). I had no trouble bringing down the Sky power, but when I tried to set down roots, all I could imagine was the roots coming down through the bottom of the plane and flapping in the wind!

September 10, 2001

(This is from an SM scene with needles that took place that night. The Gods often come to me in these situations. Using my breath to center myself, I went into a trance) ……Then when he resumed I finally managed to connect and fly. It was then that the Goddess suddenly appeared at my feet (as I lay there) , beyond the table, and high up. But it wasn't my Goddess Rhiannon! A deep, dark laughter was coming from my throat, but the Goddess Morrigan, of death and war, was laughing too. My laughter was coming from Her! It was a chilling sight. I remembered the last time I had seen Her and She had told me that I wasn't ready for Her yet. So now I'm ready? Then I felt Rhiannon on my left side, and She looked very concerned, bent over and placed Her hands on my brow. Then I felt Cernunnos on my right. As usual he chuckled……then I came back to this side of the veil. The trance was short but vivid. And bizarre.

(The next morning the Twin Towers fell.)

September 16, 2001

……I began with the counting of the breaths meditation (9 X 9) and then went into the rite…….I also did the 2 Currents meditation……

September 19, 2001

…I also did a counting the breaths meditation and a 2 Currents meditation. These are coming quite easily now.

September 22, 2001

This weekend was Mabon! The local pagan network here, TAWN, held its annual Fall Fest today with an open ritual led by a local coven….We all did 2 meditations – the tree meditation and another guided meditation of traveling to the underworld.

September 23, 2001

Tonight our Grove met and performed our Mabon ritual! ….. The meditation of the 2 Currents was read by the lady taking the part of Seer and she did well…..I led a re-centering later in the ritual…..

October 2, 2001

I did the “Counting the Breaths” meditation to start and then did a very vivid Two Currents meditation early in the rite. I'm getting much better at this!

October 10, 2001

Today I meditated the “Counting the Breaths” for 9 X 9 times, and then did the 2 Currents meditation. This is becoming more and more vivid for me, and I can really feel it as that fog and mist get expelled on my breath when I mix the dark waters of the underworld with the light of the sky power!

October 19, 2001

Today I did the “Counting the Breaths” meditation and the “2 Currents” meditation. Boy, what a struggle! This has to be one of the hardest times I've had to center in months! I guess I'm pretty tired and stressed out. Which is probably all the more reason to meditate more often! <grin>

October 21, 2001 (afternoon)

I began with my “Counting the Breaths” meditation of 9 X 9 (nine complete breaths as a set and then nine sets of breaths) and found my center and silence.

October 21, 2001 (evening)

Tonight I did the rite of Installing my Patrons! I started with a short meditation of counting the breaths to get centered, and then proceeded with the ritual. When it came time to do the 2 Currents meditation, the powers flowed freely and clearly! And I could feel a tingle as the powers flowed through me.

November 1, 2001

Last night was our Samhain ritual! ….. When it came time to connect with the Two Powers, our Seer wasn't prepared, so I did it, leading all from my own experience of the meditation. It went very well! Don led us all in a guided meditation to encounter our own dead, which also was very successful.

November 11, 2001

This afternoon I performed the counting the breaths meditation followed by the simple weekly devotional. When I came to the meditation part I did a thorough 2 Currents meditation.

November 25, 2001

I began with the Counting the Breaths meditation, for 9 X 9 breaths (9 sets of 9 complete breaths) and got truly centered and grounded…….At the beginning of the guided meditation I did the 2 Currents meditation to mix the heat of the sky power with the cold, dark waters of the underworld to create the wizard's mist which surrounded me and allowed me to float into the meditation journey.

Back to the top of the page